Blog, I Apologize

Yes, it's true. I have neglected you. My dearest blog, I have avoided you. Abandoned from my thoughts since 2009, here you are. You're back. Why? Because you need to be fed. You can go without words for months at a time but eventually... you always require my attention. I can only tell you, "I'm sorry".

You may have heard - and I can confirm - I have taken a mistress. I know it hurts but I must explain. She is much older than you. However, she is very attractive. I cannot lie to you, blog... she is a seductress. Her name is, Screenplay. I have been with her for several months now. She excites and challenges me. You are going to be mad but... I have two with her. There names are, "Blue 652" and "Unsupported". One is a violent drama and the other is a comedy. You'd like them, I'm sure - if you just took the time to get to know them.

All I can tell you is that, "I'm sorry." I didn't mean to leave you out in the cold. I'm going to try and make it up to you. I'm going to put my relationship with Screenplay on hold for awhile and try to spend more time with you. I'm not just saying that. I really mean it. This post is just the first of many. I promise things will be different from now on. I missed you, blog.

The Trip

Sadly, during the flight to Lisbon, the primate - unsuited as he was to aerial navigation - became disoriented and subsequently, entangled in the main propulsion system.  The craft was unable to recover from the stall and as a result, plummeted to the earth.  Along with the monkey and the world's youngest pilot, dreams of transatlantic solar flight were crushed upon impact. 

Glad to be back

Well...it has been quite some time since the last posting but, I hope to settle back into the groove.  My absence corresponds with a return to my previous job duties that left me consumed by a considerable amount of angst, compounded with mental depletion.  I liken it to beating your head with a rubber mallet for days on end.  It won't kill you...but...it will eventually, weaken and confuse. 

 

All of that aside, today's post concerns my youngest daughter's newest friend, Kermit (a.k.a "Hermit") D. Frog.  She is obssessed with him, ha!  She has given him a kind of scarey (and very un-Kermit-like) voice.  Kermit sounds like he has been living the hard life, if ya know what I mean.  I can barely contain my joy at having Elmo bumped to the curb.  Of course, Elmo's boat sailed a long time ago...its just that my hatred has failed to catch up.  In the interim, a few other plush characters had filled the void but finally....FINALLY...someone from my youth stepped up!  Don't get me wrong...I wasn't exactly gaga for Kermit.  He was kind of a wuss, you know...?  Always getting stomped by Miss Piggy...always getting the short end of the stick...despite being the defacto leader of 'The Muppets'.  I was more of a fan of Animal (as were most) and to a lesser extent, the Swedish Chef.  Beeker was pretty cool too, despite getting set on fire, blown up or otherwise immolated.  Severley hilarious, for sure.  So, now that my daughter and I have this cross-generation connection, I thought I'd show her some old Muppet Show episodes...because I know, she'd love.  The only problem is...apparently, the Jim Henson estate or other entity has been working feverishly to make these as unavailable as possible.  Me thinks me smells me a challenge, aye......!

Insight into the decaying mind of a corporate zombie

7:35AM: Arrive at work 25 minutes earlier than necessary.  It my OCD concerning ever being late because of traffic, forgot something, natural disaster, et al.  Ironically, it is within this first 25 minutes (w/ phone set to"Out of office") that I get the most efficient and important work of the day done.  Since, I'm the only one here - the tasks get done.

 

8:00AM:  Co-workers arrive.  Cube neighbor and I spend 5-10 minutes discussing our mutual dissatisfaction with present employment.  Go over alternatives.  Invariably, we decide this is it...for now.

 

8:10AM-9:45AM:  The energy work sustains mindless data entry or, other tasks that require little thought and effort.

 

9:45:  The effects of energy drink have worn off and I catch up on the latest headlines via, CNN, FoxNews, Time, Local news, USAToday, BBC, and Official MNF-Iraq website.  I'll also, check and see if Michael Totten or, Michael Yon have posted any dispatches to their blogs.

 

10:30AM: Take a break to re-align constitution and ponder events of the universe that have led me to this moment.

 

10:45AM: Return to brain and spirit crushing monkey work.

 

11:30AM:  If I can no longer endure it, I will go to lunch.  If I can suppress my anxiety, I'll save lunch for noon so that I don't have to start working the afternoon until 1PM.

 

LUNCH: Spent at desk laying solitaire and working (I just can't help myself - I like working on things and getting them over with so that they aren't hanging over my head.)  Sometimes, I will sit in my car in parking lot and play MSPacman on iPod (pretty pathetic, eh?)

 

12:30-2PM: More meaningless paperwork and data entry.  Mind has become oatmeal and is oozing out of my ears.  Vision is becoming blurring and headache is coming on.

 

2:15PM:  Grab a Coke from vending machine and chase a couple of Tylenol caplets.  To break routine, I'll change it up with Advil (just plain crazy).

 

2:20PM:  Catch up on latest developments in world news and global conflicts/economies and tech news

 

2:30:  Back to the lobotomy circus.  End one redundant and futile task and began another management ordained exercise in thought suppression.

 

4:45PM:  This is the real money.  All the important stuff just happens to develop with 15 minutes left to go in the work day.  Fires are put out, fears eased, 3 hours worth of work is compressed and annihilated.

 

5:00PM: Begin shut down procedures.

 

5:01PM  Don't let the door hit'ya where the good Lord split'ya

"There are just only so many times - that you can be inspired - before you finally do something about it."

SPURS vs LAKERS - Game I

Much to my amazement, I watched a rather "rested" and prepared road team dominate said game for 3 & 1/2 quarters.  Then, TNT cameras panned the crowd for the obligatory "celeb watch" and I noticed Jack Nicholson – grinning behind his Ray-Bans.  The Joker's  yellowing veneers masked the pain he must surely have felt at that moment.  So, it was with heavy heart that I felt it necessary to do something about this (Hollywood is still suffering from the writers' strike and I'm not so sure, how much more they could endure?).  I called up Pop and told him that, "although it feels good….right now…this just isn't right.  These here California folk paid up to $3,300.00 per ticket and we are robbing them of a good time on the very first night.  It just would not be courteous to hurt them so."  I went on to further explain that the media would not view this transgression highly, either.  "We have to make this a series or else, the NBA is going to crash and burn.  We have to at least, make them think that there will be a Lakers-Celtics matchup.  We must not steal their hopes and dreams."  Pop assured me that he'd lease up a bit and make it interesting.  About 38 seconds later, he called a quick timeout.  From there on out, Bruce Bowen started giving Kobe a little more room…trying to make him feel loved, again – because he was most certainly, not getting love from his team-mates.  The trouble is, once you open the spigot, it's difficult to just turn it off.  Some may even try to use the cliché, "stop the bleeding.." but, as the score indicated, there wasn't much bleeding (Lakers score 89 points?!?).  Although it was my hearts desire to just barely win this one – and we lost it – I do feel a great deal of satisfaction in knowing that SP + 1DR < V-4P (where SP = "Sleeping on Plane, 1DR = "1 Day of Rest", V = Victory, and -4P = minus 4 Points).  My initial prediction of Spurs in 6 – remains in effect.

 

We will not be so merciful, Friday!

 

GO SPURS, GO!

Radio Alarm Clock

My radio/alarm clock pisses me off every morning by discharging a half-second or, two...of very loud, classic rock. The problem is that if I turn down the volume, the white noise disappears into the background and I oversleep. I am forced to keep the volume at such a level that by barely avoiding an early morning cardiac arrest, I can respond quickly enough to get to the "snooze" button - without disturbing the rest of the house and salvage an extra 9 minutes of sleepy-time bliss. However, the key to my successful transition (from the sleep I so covet - to the corps of the walking dead (damned)) is not just about volume control...it is also, the quality. It was for this very reason that I switched from that bleating P.O.S. alarm that I had for years, and upgraded to the radio/alarm clock. At least, I'd have a say in what my ears are exposed to - before my eyes are exposed to light. I experimented with talk radio...but, that just didn't pack enough wallop to get me to respond and I caught myself sleeping late and incorporating the news into my dreams. Next I tried a local rock station but, it was pretty near as bad. It seems that music is just a tiny fraction of the content flooding dawn's airwaves. Talk is cheap....so, there is plenty of that. I finally, found a station that plays a considerable chunk of music. It turns out that it is a classic rock station but, that doesn't really matter...I'd listen to polka music if it was guaranteed not to be interrupted by moronic conversation.

Which brings me to this morning's song..."T.V. Dinners" by, ZZ Top. I hadn't heard that particular song in well over a decade (probably, much longer than that...!). It is way too easy to forget that ZZ Top could not only create such a crap ball of a song...much less, that it was so damned popular! But, it worked...it got me outta bed. It also, got me to thinking about ZZ Top and what a bizarre band they are. 95% of their music is signature Texas-blues-rock...some really solid music....and relatively unheard of my 99% of the population. Yet, when you ask ANYONE if they have heard of ZZ Top, the answer is almost always, "yes". They know it because of the other 5% of their music is played on the radio. But, that's not the only strange thing about ZZ Top. They are also, popular in spite of the lyrical content of their songs. "T.V. Dinner", "Legs", and "Tube Snake Boogie"? Aye, Chihuahua.

Veggie^2

My 4 & 1/2 year old daughter informed her mom and I that she was going to be a vegetarian from now on.  That didn't really come as a shock to us as her mom is a vegetarian and we had always planned on letting her make those decisions when she felt comfortable.  By not making a big deal out of it - either way - she won't feel bad about her self if she falls of the wagon.  She wasn't so committed to this choice when she found out that meat comes from cows but rather, later on when she learned that chicken came from chickens!  True, that probably seems obvious to you and I but, 4 year olds don't necessarily think of food as derived from living and when they do make that connection, it can be kind of disturbing to them.  I think it is good, for just this reason, that one parent is a vegetarian and the other (me!), is an omnivore.  She can see that I'm not a bad person because I consume the formerly living and that her mom still loves daddy despite this choice.  I told her, "I had better not catch you eye-ballin' my chicken nuggets, fish sandwich or, my cheeseburger next time I swing by McDonald's, ha!"  She didn't seem to unsettled by that scenario yet, it's one thing to say that now and quite another when I'm eating that cheeseburger, heh heh heh...

 

But...just to underscore her commitment, she added, "Dad....I'm not going to make anymore cow jokes either."  So, since you probably will not be hearing it from her anytime soon, I thought I'd tell her favorite joke one last time:

 

Q:  "What does a cow say at the movies?"

A:  "Moo-ve over!"